she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
