so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
