Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
