Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
