He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
