We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
