her facebook's as public as her vagina
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
