i may or may not be watching the land before time
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
