where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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