I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
