What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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