Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
