How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
