i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
