It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
