to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
