well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
