i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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