There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
