This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
