wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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