I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
