i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
