thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
