I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
