And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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