if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
