I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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