Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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