what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Randomize
