it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
