I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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