So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
