would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
