I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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