I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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