I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
