the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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