While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
