I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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