did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
