listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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