Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
