The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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