he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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