I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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