we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
