Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
