take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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