Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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