I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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